The Challenge of Writing Sex Scenes

Sex sells. Would anyone read Fifty Shades of Grey without the sex? Luckily, I write mysteries rather than romance novels or erotica, so explicit sex is not the centerpiece of my stories. Still, as long as characters are not solitary beings, love and lust will come into play, and sex will have a role. I recently looked at several articles of the "10 Steps to Writing Great Sex Scenes" variety to help guide my creativity. The first step in one article was "Get drunk." I assume the point was to lose inhibitions without losing coherence. The first step in another was "Decide what you're comfortable reading and writing." Agreed: Uncomfortable writing makes uncomfortable reading. The first step in a third was "Consider the genre." Yep, romance readers demand love scenes. Those were all good pieces of advice. But I realized I needed to step back and start with more fundamental decisions. First, did I really need sex to advance my plot, flesh out characterization, or create a mood or foreshadowing? Tossing in an extraneous sex scene can bog down a novel as surely as padded dialogue and dead-end plot detours. Second, did I need to describe a love scene, a sex scene, or sexual acts? A love scene may include explicit descriptions, but it is first and foremost about emotions and the romantic relationship. In contrast, a sex scene spotlights sensual pleasures; a "What's love got to do with it?" moment can be a thrilling read. Once you talk about depicting "sexual acts," you veer into a darker place, with a focus on disappointment, conflict, and emotional and physical sadism (and I don't mean the kind with a "safe" word). Third, what style -- subtle or graphic -- fits the purpose of the scene and the characters? By the way, "subtle" doesn't mean hokey euphemisms (his rod) or hyperbole (the earth moved), and "graphic" doesn't mean crude slang or anatomical accuracy. My thanks to one writer who helpfully put together a list of words to avoid, such as turgid and purple. For one of the more detailed guides to writing love scenes, check out http://www.writing-world.com/romance/love.shtml