Last Chance for Your Summer Reading List

For me, the summer vacation season officially ends with Labor Day, which is September 7 this year. From then on, there is no denying the back-to-work and back-to-school grind. But I believe we all still have a little time, or can make a little time, for one last relaxed summer read. If you're looking for suggestions from the top, you could start with President Obama's summer vacation reading list, courtesy of an August report in The Washington Post: All That Is by James Salter, All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, The Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert, The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri, Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and Washington: A Life by Ron Chernow. If you want a book to inspire you to dive back into your work routine with renewed energy, check out the reading list from Business.com. Recommendations range from The Martian by Andy Weir, fiction about a NASA astronaut stranded on Mars, to the latest motivational boost from Tom Peters in The Little Big Things: 163 Ways to Pursue Excellence. For more reading options, go to http://www.business.com/books-and-publications/summer-reading-list-beach-reads-to-inspire/. But if you want to dodge any thought of work stress for a few days more, check out vacation-savvy publisher Fodors' suggestions, eclectic reads that run from Kitchens of the Great Midwest by J. Ryan Stradal, a foodie romp with each chapter focused on a single dish and character, to Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee, the controversial surprise sequel to the beloved To Kill a Mockingbird. For Fodors' list, see http://www.fodors.com/news/12-books-to-read-on-your-summer-vacation-11421.html. 

Why Weddings Often Spark Conflicts

Weddings can bring out the best, and worst, behavior from family and friends. With my daughter's wedding a little over a week away, our house is filling up with relatives and guests, and, of course, we would like to prevent tensions. How? A Psychology Today article helped put all in perspective by listing the top three reasons for wedding conflicts. Of course, it starts with MONEY. After all, today's weddings cost a lot. The price of a nuptial celebration has jumped to an all-time high, reaching an average $31,213, according to The Knot's "2014 Real Weddings Study." And the expense burden extends beyond the couple and their parents to the guests, who shell out for travel, accommodations and gifts, as well as to the wedding party, who must spend big for things like bridesmaid dresses they'll never wear again. With that much money flowing, financial anxieties and unmet expectations are bound to float to the top and spill negative vibes. Family dynamics are the next big cause of wedding conflict, especially issues of status within the family, notes the article. It is not uncommon to see mature people regress to childish expressions of jealousy and resentment when reminded of old wounds from parental favoritism or sibling rivalry. The fact that many will imbibe enough alcohol to loosen inhibitions and lips increases the chance of an "unfortunate incident." The third main source of wedding conflict is the likelihood that some folks will feel "left out" at some point. Honestly, at a crowded event, it is impossible to include and pay attention to everyone equally and always.  Unfortunately, various other articles offered no magic oil to pour on troubled wedding waters, beyond old-fashioned compassion and tolerance. All I can do is vow that every time a complaining relative, an out-of-control drunk, an undisciplined brat, or feuding exes loosen my hold on my temper, I will take a deep breath and consciously shift my focus back to what a wedding should be about: celebrating love. For more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201306/weddings-why-they-cause-conflicts-among-family-friends

The Line Between Accumulating and Hoarding

I think most people fit somewhere on the "hoarding" spectrum.  At one end are the people featured on A&E's "Hoarders" or TLC's "Hoarding: Buried Alive," swallowed up by piles of trash, and down the line are the folks like me, with closets or garage corners jammed with forgotten clutter. I've always looked at the reality TV hoarders in baffled repulsion--until I was recently forced to face my own possession obsession while cleaning out closets for the arrival of guests. Why hadn't I discarded the old comforters for twin beds that I no longer own, the hundreds of paperback books that I'll never read again, the 15 computer totes and briefcases (old corporate or expo giveaways), or the medical accessories from past traumas? And what about those boxes of stained infant clothes and toys for children now in their thirties? In looking at my motives for keeping this accumulation of useless stuff, I realized that my defenses weren't really different from the ones mumbled by certified hoarders. I had to admit to sheer laziness (just shove it in the closet rather than walk to the trash can or donate to the needy), misguided sentimentality (those baby clothes evoked memories, but the pictures of the kids actually wearing them had more meaning), misguided practicality (how can you throw out a good tote that someone in the family could use, and won't I need crutches if I twist my ankle again?), and personal obsession (I love books so it's just hard to let go). We are all hoarders to a degree. But once I forced myself to clean, sort and assign items to the trash or charity donation, I felt a wonderful new lightness. The constant sight of piles of dusty objects, the detritus of the past, was burdensome in ways I didn't realize. If you want to give your spirit a boost, clean a closet. But if de-cluttering creates more psychic pain than relief, maybe you should read about the psychology of hoarding: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201409/the-psychology-behind-hoarding