Last Chance for Your Summer Reading List

For me, the summer vacation season officially ends with Labor Day, which is September 7 this year. From then on, there is no denying the back-to-work and back-to-school grind. But I believe we all still have a little time, or can make a little time, for one last relaxed summer read. If you're looking for suggestions from the top, you could start with President Obama's summer vacation reading list, courtesy of an August report in The Washington Post: All That Is by James Salter, All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, The Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert, The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri, Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and Washington: A Life by Ron Chernow. If you want a book to inspire you to dive back into your work routine with renewed energy, check out the reading list from Business.com. Recommendations range from The Martian by Andy Weir, fiction about a NASA astronaut stranded on Mars, to the latest motivational boost from Tom Peters in The Little Big Things: 163 Ways to Pursue Excellence. For more reading options, go to http://www.business.com/books-and-publications/summer-reading-list-beach-reads-to-inspire/. But if you want to dodge any thought of work stress for a few days more, check out vacation-savvy publisher Fodors' suggestions, eclectic reads that run from Kitchens of the Great Midwest by J. Ryan Stradal, a foodie romp with each chapter focused on a single dish and character, to Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee, the controversial surprise sequel to the beloved To Kill a Mockingbird. For Fodors' list, see http://www.fodors.com/news/12-books-to-read-on-your-summer-vacation-11421.html. 

Why Weddings Often Spark Conflicts

Weddings can bring out the best, and worst, behavior from family and friends. With my daughter's wedding a little over a week away, our house is filling up with relatives and guests, and, of course, we would like to prevent tensions. How? A Psychology Today article helped put all in perspective by listing the top three reasons for wedding conflicts. Of course, it starts with MONEY. After all, today's weddings cost a lot. The price of a nuptial celebration has jumped to an all-time high, reaching an average $31,213, according to The Knot's "2014 Real Weddings Study." And the expense burden extends beyond the couple and their parents to the guests, who shell out for travel, accommodations and gifts, as well as to the wedding party, who must spend big for things like bridesmaid dresses they'll never wear again. With that much money flowing, financial anxieties and unmet expectations are bound to float to the top and spill negative vibes. Family dynamics are the next big cause of wedding conflict, especially issues of status within the family, notes the article. It is not uncommon to see mature people regress to childish expressions of jealousy and resentment when reminded of old wounds from parental favoritism or sibling rivalry. The fact that many will imbibe enough alcohol to loosen inhibitions and lips increases the chance of an "unfortunate incident." The third main source of wedding conflict is the likelihood that some folks will feel "left out" at some point. Honestly, at a crowded event, it is impossible to include and pay attention to everyone equally and always.  Unfortunately, various other articles offered no magic oil to pour on troubled wedding waters, beyond old-fashioned compassion and tolerance. All I can do is vow that every time a complaining relative, an out-of-control drunk, an undisciplined brat, or feuding exes loosen my hold on my temper, I will take a deep breath and consciously shift my focus back to what a wedding should be about: celebrating love. For more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201306/weddings-why-they-cause-conflicts-among-family-friends

The Line Between Accumulating and Hoarding

I think most people fit somewhere on the "hoarding" spectrum.  At one end are the people featured on A&E's "Hoarders" or TLC's "Hoarding: Buried Alive," swallowed up by piles of trash, and down the line are the folks like me, with closets or garage corners jammed with forgotten clutter. I've always looked at the reality TV hoarders in baffled repulsion--until I was recently forced to face my own possession obsession while cleaning out closets for the arrival of guests. Why hadn't I discarded the old comforters for twin beds that I no longer own, the hundreds of paperback books that I'll never read again, the 15 computer totes and briefcases (old corporate or expo giveaways), or the medical accessories from past traumas? And what about those boxes of stained infant clothes and toys for children now in their thirties? In looking at my motives for keeping this accumulation of useless stuff, I realized that my defenses weren't really different from the ones mumbled by certified hoarders. I had to admit to sheer laziness (just shove it in the closet rather than walk to the trash can or donate to the needy), misguided sentimentality (those baby clothes evoked memories, but the pictures of the kids actually wearing them had more meaning), misguided practicality (how can you throw out a good tote that someone in the family could use, and won't I need crutches if I twist my ankle again?), and personal obsession (I love books so it's just hard to let go). We are all hoarders to a degree. But once I forced myself to clean, sort and assign items to the trash or charity donation, I felt a wonderful new lightness. The constant sight of piles of dusty objects, the detritus of the past, was burdensome in ways I didn't realize. If you want to give your spirit a boost, clean a closet. But if de-cluttering creates more psychic pain than relief, maybe you should read about the psychology of hoarding: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201409/the-psychology-behind-hoarding

Famous Unsolved Crimes That Inspire Writers

Writers (and movie makers) repeatedly use certain famous unsolved crimes for inspiration, and the public responds. Why do these crimes fascinate? Just consider this short list of six well-known unsolved murders: Jack the Ripper's Whitechapel prostitute butchering; Lizzie Borden's suspected axe attack on her parents; the Black Dahlia case of a young woman's mutilated corpse in post-war L.A.; the Northern California Zodiac Killer with his cryptic messages; Dr. Sam Sheppard and the "bushy-haired intruder" he said killed his wife; and child beauty queen JonBenét Ramsey, dead in her own basement at Christmas. The murders are all horrific, yet horror alone is not enough to sustain long-term interest. These mysteries intrigue for several basic reasons: the attractiveness and vulnerability of the victim, the shocking nature of the prime suspect, baffling and provocative clues, and the unknown motive for frightful acts. Focusing on victims, JonBenét Ramsey fascinates by being both innocent six-year-old and prematurely sexualized beauty contestant, while Black Dahlia Elizabeth Short provokes fears and prejudices about women venturing alone into the urban jungle. When it comes to suspects, what is more bizarre by traditional social conventions than spinster Victorian Lizzie Borden with a bloody axe or prominent osteopath Sheppard bludgeoning his wife to death? And the unsolved cases of both Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac Killer are full of enticing clues, including those that the killer himself communicated publicly, tauntingly, only to escape capture. In all cases, the motive remains the biggest mystery, the one that keeps writers and readers busy profiling likely killers in order to decipher the "why" behind the awful "how." There is nothing more intriguing, or terrifying, than a monster hiding in plain sight. For a longer list of famous unsolved crimes, read http://list25.com/25-most-frustrating-unsolved-crimes-ever/5/

One Nation--With Regional Personality Divisions

One thing my daughter's wedding in California is accomplishing is a gathering of cultural and regional diversity; besides the 27% foreign-born here, there are many U.S. natives who have migrated to the West Coast from other states. I wondered if it was my imagination that I was observing regional personality differences. The answer per recent research is that, yes, America's regions tend to differ by common personality traits. In 2013, researchers from the University of Cambridge published a study of regional character in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, based on a 12-year analysis of personality traits of nearly 1.6 million people living in the United States and Washington, D.C. (excluding Hawaii and Alaska) via Facebook, surveys and other methods. They looked particularly at five personality dimensions--agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, and neuroticism. The study found that the most friendly and conventional people tended to live in the South and north-central Great Plains region, while relaxed and creative traits were more common in the Western and Eastern coastal areas. New Englanders, in contrast, were most likely to be uninhibited and temperamental. If my long years in California have rubbed off on my personality, I should be above the national average in openness and extroversion, but sub par on conscientiousness, agreeableness and neuroticism. Then again, my family roots are in Texas, and I went to elementary school there, so maybe the fact that its citizens score above average on every trait except neuroticism will leaven the impact of the less friendly and less conscientious California bent. Curious about state and regional personality? Read http://time.com/7612/americas-mood-map-an-interactive-guide-to-the-united-states-of-attitude/. But if you want regional differences that you can more confidently observe, consider American language schisms. How do you pronounce crayon, pecan, caramel, pajamas, or lawyer? For maps of state-by-state linguistic conflicts, see http://www.businessinsider.com/22-maps-that-show-the-deepest-linguistic-conflicts-in-america-2013-6?op=1

My Short Bout With 'Internet Withdrawal'

Is "Internet withdrawal" a real thing? I know that I experienced a sense of helpless isolation and frustration last week when my Internet connection became sporadic (until a cable tech fixed a faulty connection). As someone who actually remembers the days before computers, it is astounding to realize how dependent on technology we are in our daily routines, our communications and our work life. With unreliable Internet service, I had to scurry to support my marketing consulting clients, and some projects were necessarily delayed. Various transactions and communications for my daughter's wedding were disrupted. I didn't get my blog post done because it was prioritized below work. But most projects still proceeded, and social communications and e-mail responses were handled via smartphone. Yes, there was an underlying, anxious sense of disconnection, but it hardly seemed a symptom of a deeper disorder. In fact, per Wikipedia, Internet Addiction Disorder is a term coined in a satirical essay by Dr. Ivan Goldberg in 1995 and then taken seriously by researchers and, of course, the media, who have since produced new terms like problematic Internet use, compulsive Internet use, Internet overuse, pathological computer use and even iDisorder. All refer to Internet use that interferes with normal life--such as excessive computer game play, online gambling, porn viewing, shopping, constant social networking or workaholic behavior--to the extent that folks experience anxiety, depression and withdrawal symptoms similar to drug users if they go offline. It is not an official mental disorder in the Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders yet, but that doesn't stop the media from headlining various studies documenting "Facebook addiction," "Internet withdrawal" and its cousin "mobile phone withdrawal." In 2014, a Business Insider story noted that workaholics especially suffer withdrawal symptoms when cut off from the Internet (because they can no longer work 24/7). To be honest, maybe because, unlike my kids, I have lived in a world without digital technology, I soon banished anxiety over my temporary Internet loss with old-fashioned versions of Internet-enabled activities, like reading and face-to-face socializing. Frankly, I don't think it's the Internet that is the problem, except as a tool making it easier to indulge the real addictions: gambling, porn, workaholism, shopaholism, etc. But if you think you are afflicted by Internet dependency, maybe you should check out http://www.psychguides.com/guides/computerinternet-addiction-symptoms-causes-and-effects/

How July 4 Fireworks Inspire Mystery Writers

July 4 is a holiday synonymous with summertime family fun--backyard barbecues, beach picnics, fireworks in the park, local parades, etc. And that makes it an interesting backdrop for murder mysteries. First, it's easy to forget that July 4 commemorates the birth of a nation in violent revolution, but this Fourth comes on the heels of headlines--the Supreme Court decision on gay marriage and racially motivated violence--that remind us that a nation founded on the concept of inalienable rights is still fighting to realize those ideals for all citizens. A mystery writer certainly can find murderous motives in old, violent biases--with joyous fireworks bursting ironically in the background. Second, the nation is still threatened by internal and external enemies, although very different ones from 1776, as shown by recent headlines about potential terrorist attacks on Independence Day. It's not hard to imagine the plot for a mystery-thriller! But mainly, we are plagued by more personal demons on the holiday. I am certain that, as families, friends and strangers gather together, there will be many new headlines about violence from fractured relationships and fractured minds. Since the most common violence on the Fourth of July comes at home, the "cozy" mysteries are also those that most often embrace an Independence Day theme, with an emphasis on amateur female sleuths, recipes and cute pets. Here are four 2015 July 4-theme mysteries for your (very light) holiday reading. First comes Nancy Coco with Oh Say Can You Fudge: Allie Murphy, owner of a hotel and fudge shop, plans to hire an aerial skywriter for a holiday display, but he turns up murdered. Next, is Isis Crawford's A Catered Fourth of July: Two sisters in a small New York town cater a Revolutionary War battle reenactment and then become sleuths when the town's playboy is killed. Cute canines dominate in Mutts & Murder, a Dog Town USA Cozy Mystery by Amazon best-seller Meg Muldoon: Winifred Wolf is covering canine-related stories for the local newspaper in Dog Mountain, Oregon, when a dead body is found in the local dog park before the annual Fourth of July Pooch Parade. Last on the list is Doggone Dead, another mystery in the popular Pecan Bayou series by Teresa Trent: In Pecan Bayou, Texas, Betsy Livingston is looking for her runaway puppy when she stumbles upon a murder on a dead movie-cowboy star's estate. For a much longer list of Fourth of July cozy mysteries, see http://www.cozy-mystery.com/blog/fourth-of-july-mystery-book-theme-list.html