Senior Themes: Proving Mystery Never Gets Old

Because I'm in the process of moving my 91-year-old father to an assisted living facility, I've been researching the mysteries of aging--and aging in mysteries. Most mysteries about seniors feature amusing, quirky "golden-agers" of the "cozy" mystery variety. I guess it's reassuring to read about older characters who aren't "cognitively impaired" and "mobility challenged" while "facing mortality." But, after dealing with real senior issues, I began to hanker for a realistic senior detective without a sweetening dose of cute humor. And I wanted characters and social issues more contemporary than Agatha Christie's Miss Marple in an English country manor! My search of senior-themed mysteries turned up one non-cozy example in Daniel Friedman's Don't Ever Get Old, winner of the Macavity Award for Best First Novel and nominee for both Anthony and Edgar awards for best first novel. Ex-Memphis detective "Buck" Schatz starts on the trail of an old nemesis, partly to settle scores and partly to recover a possible treasure in gold. Though 80-something Buck is literally “too old for this,” his instincts remain, and he does have a grandson's help with things like “the googles” and other technological hurdles. Violence and realism are laced by humor that acknowledges mortality and old age's physical and mental limitations. Another discovery was Thirty-Three Teeth by British author Colin Cotterill, which won a 2006 Dilys Award from the Independent Mystery Booksellers Association. Dr. Siri Paiboun, one of the last doctors left in Laos after the Communist takeover, has been drafted to be national coroner and must unravel a series of mysterious murders. Untrained for the job, the 72-year-old has outstanding qualifications undimmed by age: curiosity and the courage to follow clues despite political pressure. But I'm not opposed to a spunky elder sleuth if he or she is the credible product of a spunky elder author! Start with Macavity Award nominee A Valley to Die For by 81-year-old Radine Trees Nehring, which introduces widow Carrie McCrite and retired detective Henry King to her "Something to Die For" series set in the Ozark mountains. From 83-year-old Lorena McCourtney comes the gray-haired Ivy Malone, protagonist of a series that includes two Daphne du Maurier Award winners, Invisible and On the Run. Finally, Edgar Award-winning screenwriter Rita Lakin, 87, offers the Gladdy Gold series, starting with Getting Old Is Murder, in which 75-year-old Gladdy Gold and her gang of Fort Lauderdale retirees hunt down a killer. For cozy senior options, see http://www.mystery-cozy.com/Mystery-Cozy-Senior-Sleuth-Cozies.html

Blowing Out the Candles of Another Birthday

Today is my birthday, and social media congratulations are piling up. Thank you all. An issue arises every year over how to celebrate, or indeed whether to celebrate the aging process at all. My husband, whose birth date is just five days different from mine, announced his plan for a joint weekend gathering in our home with our children and local relatives (over a dozen people). I thought that was fine until he asked me what I planned to cook for everyone. He was taken aback when I declined the culinary opportunity. And I refused to bake my own cake, too. Clearly, after years of blowing out an ever-growing number of candles, my birthday spirit is exhausted. So I looked at various Internet lists of celebration ideas, ranging from dull standards (dining out) to the downright depressing (go to temple and thank God you've survived another year). I wondered what livelier ladies might suggest. Here's one list of "extremely fun ways" for women to celebrate: take a private plane ride (just not with Harrison Ford); see a Broadway show (I suggest this every year with no result); perform as many acts of kindness as your number of years (yikes, I'll be busy); do something you wanted to do as a child but didn't get to do (laser tag as long as I don't break a hip); organize a flash mob (volunteers?); escape urban stress by camping (need to fix tears in the old air mattress and tent first); go on an unplanned road trip (and send constant lonely posts to social media); throw a theme party (requiring costumes is a great way to reduce attendance and expense); do something from your "bucket list" (skydiving? forget it); pamper yourself at a spa (always ready for that); go to a karaoke bar (sorry about being tone deaf); have a fancy birthday brunch with friends (easy to get RSVPs as long as I promise champagne); and, finally, take a cooking workshop--and we're back to cooking! But just as I finished writing this grumbling post, my husband walked in with a bouquet of roses and reminded me that being with those you love is still the best way to celebrate. For another list of birthday celebration ideas for adult women, see http://www.todaysthebestday.com/ways-to-celebrate-your-birthday/

A Post-Holiday Meditation on Aging Parents

As the New Year begins, I'm suffering from a post-holiday mental hangover. One of the blessings, and trials, of the holidays for baby boomers like me is that we reunite with aging parents (if we're lucky enough to still have living parents). Framed by past holiday memories, the physical and mental deterioration of these folks in their 80s and 90s is disturbing. Our parents, even those in relatively good physical and mental shape, are far from the people of our youth. They are often, by necessity, focused only on self-centered needs and anxieties. They may be preoccupied with the past--from triumphs to trivia--in a way that muddles their present. They may require a caretaker role that is financially, emotionally and physically exhausting. To make it tougher, needy parents can be resistant, resentful and critical. Certainly, I have heard my friends, seniors themselves, lament the burden of self-absorbed and difficult aging parents. Of course, accusations of selfishness can go both ways. As sons and daughters, even gray-haired ones, we selfishly yearn for the parents who put us first--providing comfort, security and guidance. It's hard to accept that those parents are gone. And the parents who disappointed and wounded are gone, too; there is no resolution or atonement to be had from these parental ghosts. So how to deal with caring for elderly loved ones? Well, I find laughter is one balm for sorely tried nerves--certainly better than denial, anger or depression. So when my 89-year-old father's memory pastes bits of past, present and fantasy together to produce amazing fables, or his confused actions create a theater of the absurd, I let myself laugh at the ridiculous results. I laugh at my own bumbles and grumbles in response, too. The comic relief helps keep tears and fears at bay. For an example of humor coupled with honesty in dealing with aging parents, read the recent memoir by Roz Chast, the New York Times cartoonist. A 2014 National Book Award finalist, Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant? combines text with Chast's cartoons, family photos and documents to offer both comfort and comedy about this tough subject: http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Talk-about-Something-Pleasant-ebook/dp/B00JA9JE0Y

Time Flies When You're Getting Older

I recently read a fiction work that played with time and memory. With the turn of a page, the reader was taken from long, intense passages of youthful experience to brief words of graying regret, and I recognized with dismay a similar warping in my own time perception. Simply put, as we grow older, time seems to speed up. The memories of youth may remain rich and crowded, but recent events pass in a blink. Why? Sure, one day to an 11-year-old is about 1/4,000 of his or her life but is just 1/20,000 of a lifespan for a 55-year-old, so any random day literally counts for less with age. But that's just mathematics and doesn't explain why I perceive time accelerating moment by moment. A common theory is that children and young adults are actively engaged in learning and adapting to new stimuli, while older people draw on experience, routine and mental habit, so older brains form fewer rich memories and rely on pre-mapped reactions that basically treat familiar stimuli as invisible. The increase in invisible, unremembered moments will make the subjective perception of time pass at a faster rate as we grow older. No matter your age, studies show there are ways to put the brakes on flying time. We perceive time as moving more slowly when we experience certain strong emotions, such as fear or awe. Time also seems to slow down when we are engaged in a cognitively demanding task or experiencing multiple changes in a short interval or faced with novel stimuli. So there are solutions to my illusion of speeding time if I want to take a little effort. A recent New York Times opinion piece on time and aging by psychiatrist Richard Friedman put it aptly: "It’s simple: if you want time to slow down, become a student again. Learn something that requires sustained effort; do something novel. Put down the thriller when you’re sitting on the beach and break out a book on evolutionary theory or Spanish for beginners or a how-to book on something you’ve always wanted to do. Take a new route to work; vacation at an unknown spot. And take your sweet time about it." For more, see http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/21/opinion/sunday/fast-time-and-the-aging-mind.html?_r=0