The Dangerous Epidemic of Loneliness

The headlines are so full of stories fretting over the epidemic of mass shootings, hate speech and hate crimes that you may have missed a disturbing story about another epidemic: loneliness. Chronic loneliness is another term for social isolation, for a lack of physical and emotional connection to others, something human beings are biologically programmed to need for physical and mental well-being. Today, according to a new poll by YouGov, 30% of millennials, those aged 23 to 38, say they are lonely, higher than any other generation surveyed. More disturbing, 22% of millennials in the poll said they had zero friends, 27% percent said they had "no close friends," and 30% said they have "no best friends." While not measured by YouGov, the up-and-coming Gen Z also reports high levels of loneliness on other surveys. Chronic loneliness, which has tended to peak naturally with the elderly in the past, seems to be seeping downward. These findings are scary. Research has linked the stress of chronic social isolation to mental and physical health issues such as anxiety, depression, digestive problems, high blood pressure, heart disease, sleep problems, weight gain, and even premature death via increased risk of stroke and cardiovascular disease. And do we really think that there is no link between social isolation and the proliferation of tribalism and hate? Lonely people trying to make connections are fueling the growth of isolated social media groups, which create no true intimacy but do deliver a warped and ephemeral sense of belonging by defining themselves against the enemy "other," whether by race, gender, politics or sexual orientation. On campuses and at political events, the isolated and angry are susceptible to the toxic embrace of polarized tribes. And what happens when polarized souls, alone and threatened on the social battlefield, have easy access to battlefield weapons and hear an approving signal in the political noise? We should not discount this dark rot in our society. To help yourself, or someone you know, to cope with loneliness, check out this Psychology Today article https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201901/is-loneliness-making-you-sick

Family Annihilators Fit a Terrible Pattern

The recent news story about Chris Watts, the Denver-area father accused of killing his pregnant wife and two daughters, is shocking and incomprehensible for most of us. But so-called "family annihilators" actually fit a pattern according to analysis of cases. First of all, the killer is almost always male: a son, father or brother. The killer is emotionally isolated, either because of the family's treatment (such as abuse), the killer's situation (such as financial failure or an affair) or mental illness. While, to the outside world, these killers may appear to be successful and devoted husbands, fathers or sons, the perpetrator is actually consumed with hatred, resentment, shame or a sense of failure, and the crime is usually planned rather than spontaneous, with a time chosen when the family is isolated and unsuspecting. Often, there have been experimental or lesser attacks before the final mayhem, such as unreported domestic violence or a suspicious home fire. The majority of annihilators commit suicide—but some attempt to cover up the crime and shift blame, as Watts did. British research has categorized the family annihilator into four types: the self-righteous killer who exacts revenge on the mother or spouse he blames for breakdown of the family; the disappointed killer who destroys the family he thinks has destroyed his vision of ideal family life, for example by not following religious or cultural customs; the anomic killer who sees his family only as an expression of his own success and status so that they are discarded with economic failure or disgrace; and the paranoid killer who perceives an external threat and wipes out the family in a twisted effort to "protect it." By the way, the most common month for family annihilation is August, so it's good we're coming to an end of this month! Some well-known mystery authors have taken on this disturbing topic. An example is Dark Places by Gillian Flynn, mistress of dark twists and unreliable narrators: Libby Day was seven when her mother and two sisters were murdered. She survived and famously testified that her 15-year-old brother, Ben, was the killer. Twenty-five years later, a group obsessed with notorious crimes hopes to discover details exonerating Ben and is willing to pay Libby to reconnect with the players from that night and report her findings. Libby’s search takes her right back where she started—on the run from a killer. Live to Tell by Lisa Gardner begins one warm summer night in a working-class Boston neighborhood with the brutal murders of four members of a family. The father—and possible suspect—is clinging to life in the ICU. A murder-suicide? Veteran police detective D. D. Warren is certain there are even more disturbing depths to the case. For more on this horrific trend in modern society, you can read Familicidal Hearts by sociologist Neil Websdale.

Flashbulb Memories and Our National Psyche

We are about to embark on commemorations of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, reliving sights and stories that already seem indelibly burned into the national psyche. In the past, I have found that conversations about the now 15-year-old trauma include asking each other "Where were you when...?" And most people relate an especially vivid, emotional recollection of events. This phenomenon is what psychologists call a "flashbulb memory." People tend to have a detailed recollection of not only where they were when the dramatic public event occurred, but what they felt, what they saw, what they said, who they were with, etc. Other shared "flashbulb memory" experiences would include President John F. Kennedy's assassination, the Challenger space shuttle explosion, or even Princess Diana's death. These public traumas were unexpected, horrific and tapped strong feelings about an iconic person, institution or symbol. The emotional intersection between the personal and the public creates vivid memories, psychologists agree, but are such flashbulb memories really accurate, unchanging snapshots of our experience? Not exactly. Extensive research findings about 9/11 memories, for example, indicate that many of us forget or falsely remember more than we realize, both in terms of facts and emotional reactions. Those few who are closer physically and mentally to a public tragedy are apt to have more accurate recall than the majority who experience the event at a remove, say via televised reports. Yet, factual or not, the strong emotional context does have an especially deep impact on our minds, creating recollections that stand as landmarks in our personal and national stories. When revisiting your own 9/11 "flashbulb memories" in conversations this weekend, you can reflect on their accuracy while discussing them with others. But I bet the power of these memories will not be diminished by conflicting facts. Their emotional resonance is their truth, creating our shared popular history. For an interesting article on flashbulb memory studies, including those from 9/11, read http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/09/memories.aspx