On Father's Day: Fatherhood, Filial Duty in Flux

Father's Day is on its way, and I will be getting in touch with my 90-year-old dad, and my adult children will come home to celebrate their own father. Fatherhood certainly has changed significantly since celebration of "Father's Day" gained U.S. popularity in the early twentieth century and even since it became a fixed national day of recognition in 1972. Today's fathers are no longer the married breadwinners and disciplinarians of yore; they are also single dads, gay dads, stay-at-home caregiver dads, adopted dads, step-dads, and even transgender dads like Caitlyn Jenner. Overall, modern fatherhood trends are a good thing, since research shows that fatherly love is as important to a child's social, emotional and cognitive development as motherly love, and new fathering norms allow for greater care giving and interaction than in the past. But it seems to me that something also has been lost in the last century, and that is the concept of filial duty. America's current youth-oriented, self-fulfillment culture has relegated many filial duties to the moral dustbin with wifely obedience and whipping naughty children. You have to go to conservative religious tracts to read about children's duties, into adulthood, to honor, respect, obey, and take counsel from parents, and then care for them in old age. Is this erosion of filial responsibilities a good or bad trend for American society? Yes, government programs and professional caregivers have actually improved conditions for many older parents compared to past reliance on private filial care and financing. But what about emotional and social consequences? Well, junking fatherly input is probably fine for children with stifling, abusive or neglectful fathers; but it may not be so good for those whose loving dads could impart confidence, ethics and the wisdom of experience. Yes, we have a more creative, open society if unfettered from conservative parental tradition; but lack of parental guidance also can create a society adrift, without communal morality or understanding of its past. So while I'm definitely not advocating a return to patriarchal rule, perhaps we should salvage a bit of what was best about the "good old days" on this Father's Day. I'll try harder to show dear old dad how much we honor him and care about him, even if we don't follow the old requirement to physically care for him. More important, I'll try harder to heed the lessons earned by his longer years--right and wrong. For a glimpse of what other cultures can teach us about honoring elders:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/25/what-other-cultures-can-teach_n_4834228.html