On Father's Day: Fatherhood, Filial Duty in Flux

Father's Day is on its way, and I will be getting in touch with my 90-year-old dad, and my adult children will come home to celebrate their own father. Fatherhood certainly has changed significantly since celebration of "Father's Day" gained U.S. popularity in the early twentieth century and even since it became a fixed national day of recognition in 1972. Today's fathers are no longer the married breadwinners and disciplinarians of yore; they are also single dads, gay dads, stay-at-home caregiver dads, adopted dads, step-dads, and even transgender dads like Caitlyn Jenner. Overall, modern fatherhood trends are a good thing, since research shows that fatherly love is as important to a child's social, emotional and cognitive development as motherly love, and new fathering norms allow for greater care giving and interaction than in the past. But it seems to me that something also has been lost in the last century, and that is the concept of filial duty. America's current youth-oriented, self-fulfillment culture has relegated many filial duties to the moral dustbin with wifely obedience and whipping naughty children. You have to go to conservative religious tracts to read about children's duties, into adulthood, to honor, respect, obey, and take counsel from parents, and then care for them in old age. Is this erosion of filial responsibilities a good or bad trend for American society? Yes, government programs and professional caregivers have actually improved conditions for many older parents compared to past reliance on private filial care and financing. But what about emotional and social consequences? Well, junking fatherly input is probably fine for children with stifling, abusive or neglectful fathers; but it may not be so good for those whose loving dads could impart confidence, ethics and the wisdom of experience. Yes, we have a more creative, open society if unfettered from conservative parental tradition; but lack of parental guidance also can create a society adrift, without communal morality or understanding of its past. So while I'm definitely not advocating a return to patriarchal rule, perhaps we should salvage a bit of what was best about the "good old days" on this Father's Day. I'll try harder to show dear old dad how much we honor him and care about him, even if we don't follow the old requirement to physically care for him. More important, I'll try harder to heed the lessons earned by his longer years--right and wrong. For a glimpse of what other cultures can teach us about honoring elders:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/25/what-other-cultures-can-teach_n_4834228.html

There are Still Taboos for 'Good' Characters

Many old taboo writing topics--sex, race and religion--have gone mainstream in genre fiction and popular best-sellers. But there are still lines authors of popular novels hesitate to cross, especially for "good" characters. For example, a male character who engages in unmarried sex or homosexual relationships is now more acceptable as a hero, but a rapist or pedophile repulses and must be brought to justice. A female character can reject marriage and support abortion without offending the majority, but if she embraces incest, she loses reader empathy. A protagonist may be opinionated and volatile--as long as outbursts are not racist, sexist, elitist or offensive to some group stereotype. Sexual antics can be described in detail without being called pornographic now, but other bodily functions are still taboo--even when writers try to spare sensibilities by "latinizing," as if characters who defecate, flatulate, regurgitate, and masturbate have less ick factor. Other no-nos are more surprising. Americans have become so sensitive about weight issues (even though we are one of the most obese populaces) that "fat" seems to have joined "retard" and "Negro" as taboo epithets. Many Americans also are such animal lovers that any character who doesn't like animals is unsympathetic, and animal killing is seen as a mark of depravity. Aging is another taboo; if the protagonist has to be over 50, no one wants to know about sags, bags, wattles, flab, flagging sex drive, or any other ills that aging flesh is heir to. Older heroes and heroines must be preternaturally lively and attractive, yet redeemed from shallowness by experience, the only positive of added years in our culture. But probably the biggest taboo of all is normality. Today's protagonists embrace "exceptionalism," as the conservative politicos say of America. Middling looks, middling intellect, and middle-class background, even if thrown into exciting circumstances, aren't going to win fans. Give a main character an exceptional skill, a shocking secret, or a unique personal challenge to engage readers. Have we stopped believing that ordinary people can achieve extraordinary things? For advice on writing about taboo topics, see https://litreactor.com/columns/storyville-writing-about-taboo-subjects

Mystery Chills Can Be One of Halloween's Treats

Halloween, today's candy-fueled fest of costumed self-expression and safely self-inflicted shudders, has become a retail bonanza. But despite commercial hype, from costumes for dogs to excessively ghoulish decoration, the real human fears underlying the celebration's melange of Celtic and Christian traditions seep through. In earlier European society, Halloween reminded that harvest warmth would soon yield to the specter of icy hunger, that it was a small step from laughing children to silent graves, that there were dark forces untamed by prayer. In festive disguise, we still acknowledge the thin mental veil between living and dead, good and evil, safe daylight and stirrings in the dark. That's why Halloween, although it is more associated with the horror genre, is a great time to curl up in a warm, cozy place to read a mystery. A good mystery, like Halloween, allows us to unmask and conquer the monsters and ghosts that haunt us. To quote Emily Dickinson: "One need not be a chamber to be haunted; One need not be a house; The brain has corridors surpassing Material place." Of course, I would recommend my own book, Lies Agreed Upon, but for a list of especially Halloween-themed mysteries, check out http://www.cozy-mystery.com/Holiday-Mystery-Books/Halloween-Mystery-Book-List.html

Politics and Religion: Book Discussion Taboos?

My mother always told me that "polite company" avoided talking about politics and religion. Friends and book club members often tacitly follow the same rule. Here are some best-selling books that may be "taboo" because they touch on religious and political sensitivities:  Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth by Reza Aslan; Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg; and This Town, a blistering insider look at Washington by journalist Mark Leibovich. Yet surely well-meaning people can have a productive discussion about ideas that matter to them! Maybe we just need to set rules for civil discourse, rules opposite to the ones that seem to govern "debates" in the media arena. Here are my five suggestions: 1) Don't start a conversation unless you can all agree to be open to, and respectful of, other viewpoints; the goal should be self-education not changing others' beliefs or lecturing about your own. 2) Tread carefully and tactfully into unknown opinion waters; don't assume you already know other people's positions since they may agree, disagree, or not care a flip. 3) Stick to the facts (generally accepted information or research) and avoid expressing personal judgment or criticism. 4) Know when to keep quiet and when to quit (prepare an appeasing exit line such as "I'll have to consider that..."). 5) Steer the discussion from personal convictions, specific institutions and doctrines to more general theories. Turn "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" into "What is the role of religious faith today?" Please share your tips for successful discussion of a controversial book!